


Goodbye, brown eyes

by meganetrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Crying, Goodbyes, Graduation, Insecurity, M/M, Moving On, i like to suffer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-21
Updated: 2016-01-21
Packaged: 2018-05-15 08:58:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5779669
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meganetrash/pseuds/meganetrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After so many years of being inseparable, going to different colleges sounded like they were both going to be cut in half.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, brown eyes

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first iwaoi and my first really angsty fic. Although I can't promise it will be the last one. Comments are much appreciated!

After more than three years of being helplessly and hopelessly in love with his best friend, Hajime realised that he didn’t want to, no, he couldn’t love anybody else. Loving him came just as natural as breathing, and soon he forgot who he was before developing that one-sided crush. And Tooru was always there, every hour of every day, and even when he wasn’t there, he was the only thing on Iwaizumi’s mind. It almost made him mad, how irresistible Oikawa was and how he always caved in to him. But his first love had no idea about these feelings, and Iwaizumi made sure it stayed that way.

He thought their friendship would be destroyed if Oikawa find out about his crush, but it was something else that made them gradually drift apart. Maybe it was destiny, maybe it was for the best. But he knew Oikawa loved volleyball more than anything, so he shouldn’t be surprised, right? After so many years of being inseparable, going to different colleges sounded like they were both going to be cut in half. 

Iwaizumi knew Oikawa was going to surpass him, he did so many years ago. While his best friend was building an empire, he was just standing next to him, guarding him, protecting him. Oikawa was about to become a professional volleyball player, heading straight to Japan’s national team, while he had to settle for some mediocre college and probably get a nine to five job after that.  
He had no idea what he wanted to do, and being a high school senior, that was pretty troublesome. It was clear that he wasn’t good enough to go pro like Oikawa, and he had no specific talents. His grades were good, but he was never the best in class, and his future had always been blurry. There was only one thing he wanted – Oikawa, and knowing that his only wish was unattainable, he stopped thinking about it and wished he could stay in high school forever. 

Meanwhile, Oikawa was still the same old cheerful volleyball-freak he always was. He somewhat looked forward to graduation. It was reasonable, it had always been his dream to play in the national team. And Iwaizumi was truly happy for Tooru’s dream to come true, he just wished that dream could include him too. 

„Iwa-chan! Iwa-chan!“ Oikawa yelled over the phone „Please come over now, I have something to tell you!“ Iwaizumi couldn’t say no to Oikawa, so he laced his shoes and it only took five minutes for him to be at Tooru’s doorstep. Before he could even greet him, Oikawa threw his arms around his neck and started crying into his neck. „Hey, hey, what happened, why are you crying?“ Iwaizumi was worried. „I did it, Hajime“ the slightly taller boy whispered „I’m going to become a professional“

The ace gently rubbed circles on his back and let Oikawa cry for a little longer. „I am so proud of you, Tooru“ he tried to calm him down „You worked so hard for this, you deserved it“. His best friend was still sobbing into his shoulder, unable to say anything. He was holding him, feeling the warmth of his skin, inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla from his hair. It was like paradise, except for the fact that Tooru could let go any second now and shatter everything.

Every time he had to let him go felt like his heart was being plucked out. „It’s okay, I’m used to dying inside every day“ he says to himself and smiles in order to avoid crying. „I’m so happy Hajime“ Tooru finally mumbled. „I know, your biggest dream has finally come true“ he smiled. „But... this means I’m going to Tokyo as soon as we graduate...“ Oikawa noted. „Don’t worry about that, dumbass! You’re acting like a little kid who can’t go anywhere without his mommy“ he teased. „I’m serious, Iwa-chan“ Tooru’s gaze fell down to the floor. What he got in response was Iwaizumi’s elbow right in his ribs. „Ow, what was that for?!“ he whimpered. „You’ll be fine. Cut yourself some slack for once“ Iwaizumi muttered. „Okay, okay, Iwa-chan, no more pouting! Let’s go to my room and watch Godzilla“ Oikawa finally cheered up. 

They had a movie marathon that night and fell asleep at 3 am. Oikawa innocently put his head on Iwa’s muscular shoulder and started snoring in no time, making the shorter boy giggle. He was sleepy as well, so he put Oikawa’s head on the pillow and wrapped a blanket around him, then took a spare futon out of the closet for himself. As expected, he couldn’t fall asleep. He only had a few months left to spend with his best friend. After that, they’ll be who knows how many miles away and Oikawa will find better friends and probably a girlfriend as soon as he gets to Tokyo. He’ll fade away, just another invaluable memory from high school. He might give him a call once or twice a month just to boast about his ever growing fanbase and how they kicked the other team’s ass. Well, no one could see him in the dark. He let the tears roll down. 

Before they knew it, it was graduation day. Their last day in high school, and the last week they get to spend together before Oikawa moves to Tokyo. Iwaizumi decided to study sports medicine at a college close to home, but he still couldn’t process the fact that his best friend was leaving. They promised to talk over the phone and text every day, and even Skype call when possible, but they both knew how hectic the schedule of a professional athlete was, so Iwaizumi didn’t hold his breath. Saying goodbye to Oikawa was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

„After three years, you still weren’t able to confess to him“ Matsukawa sighed. Everyone knew, the whole Seijou volleyball team knew about Iwaizumi’s horrible crush, but he was too much of a coward to say anything to Oikawa himself. He knew his feelings weren’t reciprocated, so what’s the point? His heart was already breaking and confessing now, when they were supposed to part ways, would just make everything a hundered times more painful. 

„You should really do it, though“ Makki added „You’ve got nothing to lose now that he’s moving away“. Maybe he was right, but he wasn’t going to risk it. Hajime took deep breaths, trying to bring his heart rate back to normal before entering the school hall where the graduation ceremony was about to be held. Oikawa must’ve already arrived and he was probably looking for him in the crowd. It was already Iwaizumi who waited for him and then smacked him on the head when he arrived late. Smiling briefly at that flashback, he finally gathered up the strenght to come in. 

„Iwa-chan, there you are!“ the brunet greeted him „You’re never late, what happened?“. „Ah, I couldn’t find my tie...“ he lied. „Sit here now, the principal’s about to give that same booooring speech of his for the fifth year in a row“ Oikawa whined. They somehow lived through the twenty minutes of torture that was the principal’s speech, then waited for their names to be called out so they can finally get their diplomas. 

„Oikawa-san, are you going to the graduation party?“ a bunch of girls gathered around him, making Iwaizumi roll his eyes. „No, sorry, I’m a little tired, I’ll be going right home!“ he excused himself and get past the dissappointed fans. „You’re not going to the party?“ his best friend asked him, genuinely surprised. He would’ve inserted some sarcastic comment in the end, but it was their last day after all. „No, let’s go home“ Oikawa cut him off. Iwaizumi just stared at him, dumbfounded, until the captain pulled him by the wrist.

„Hey, Shittykawa, what’s going on?!“ he yelled halfway from school to Oikawa’s home. „I’m... I... I can’t do this, okay?!“ he replied, balling up his hands into fists. Hajime could see the tears gather up in the corners of his warm brown eyes and his whole being was shattered all over again. „How many times is he going to do this to me? How many times is he going to break me?“ he thought to himself. They walked to Oikawa’s home in silence, minus Oikawa’s sniffling. When they arrived, the brunet was still crying and it Iwaizumi still felt like he had a knife in his heart. „Iwa-chan“ Oikawa finally spoke „Will you miss me?“. „Of course I will, you’re my best friend“ Hajime admited unwillingly. „I’ll miss you too, Iwa-chan“ Tooru whispered, sliding closer to him on the couch. 

The lack of space between them made Hajime’s cheeks burn up, while Oikawa just sat there staring into his eyes for what felt like a lifetime. Then he finally hugged him. „I love you, Hajime“ he whispered into his friend’s neck, half hoping that he wouldn’t hear him. „I love you too, Tooru“ Iwaizumi responded. „No, not like that, Iwa-chan. I really love you. Not like a friend“ Oikawa shook his head, almost angry. They still couldn’t look each other in the eye, but Tooru’s head was on Hajime’s chest, making it easy for him to feel his pulse becoming faster. „I know what you mean“ he assured the ex-captain. „You do?“. Tooru looked so small and fragile, making Iwaizumi shake even more. „Yes, but I can’t love you like that“

„Why not?“ he asked, starting a new flood of tears. „Because you’re moving. Because you’ll be busy and you’ll find someone better. Because I’m too insecure and you’re too perfect for someone like me. Because I can’t communicate my feelings very well. Because you deserve better“ Hajime listed everything that came to mind and started crying in the process. 

He didn’t expect to get slapped. „Stupid Iwa-chan! I don’t know who I am without you! Do you have any idea how much you mean to me? If I lose you, I lose everything!“ Oikawa yelled, then fell back on the couch and hugged his knees. „You will never lose me, Tooru“ Iwa whispered, feeling a pang of guilt „I will always be there for you, no matter what“. He finally gave up and let tears suffocate him. Oikawa quietly approached him and hugged him again, clutching the fabric on his back so he couldn’t push him away. They couldn’t talk any more without sobbing, and their only wish was to stay this close forever. 

„We can make this work...“ Tooru tried once again. „You know we can’t, love. You need to start a new life, move on and focus on your career. And I’ll always be here, waiting for you“ Hajime shook his head, not caring about Oikawa hearing his broken voice anymore. „But I can’t, I can’t do this without you! I love you so much it hurts, it hurts, Hajime!“ he whimpered, still clinging to the black-haired boy. „I’ll always watch over you and love you, but I can’t be with you right now. We’re just going to hurt each other even more“ Iwaizumi’s ribs hurt from all the crying and he felt his eyes burning „I’m sorry“

**Author's Note:**

> no i'm not sobbing :)  
> why do i keep torturing myself like this :)


End file.
